My room of pain

Some of you might not visualise what your personal internal landscape looks like. I do. When things turn blue for me, I frequently have the mental image of entering a room that looks like its walls are made of lava. In the middle there is “The Pit” – a deep, dark hole that calls my name.

I know this is pretty unsettling – it is to me too, but the good thing about visualising what’s going on inside your head is, that you are in control. You might not feel it right now but you are.

If I created my personal room of pain, maybe I can change it. Or understand when I go there. These days I sometimes find that the red-hot lava glows quite beautifully. The red reminds me of my ginger hair. And it suddenly dawns on me that the room of pain is actually also my comfort zone.

I have learned how to be here. I have learned to feel at home when I’m sad. When I figured this out, it shocked me. This is not what I want my comfort zone to look like!



At the entrance…


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